


There's do's and don'ts in this job, and this is definitely a don't

by Bettyboop13



Category: Deadpool - All Media Types, Marvel, Marvel (Comics), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: 30 Day OTP Challenge, Actors, Conversations, Flirting, Fluff, Human Wade Wilson, Kinks, M/M, Movie Set, On Set, One Shot, One Shot Collection, Strangers to Lovers, Teasing, Tumblr Prompt
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-06
Updated: 2020-07-28
Packaged: 2021-02-26 16:55:50
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,339
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23507488
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bettyboop13/pseuds/Bettyboop13
Summary: Spideypooltwo extras have to sit across from each other and converse but the fake convo turns into a real one and the director has to call cut because they’re not supposed to be the ones looking like they’re falling in love
Relationships: Peter Parker/Wade Wilson
Comments: 56
Kudos: 414





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Prompt stolen (?) from: https://perfectlyrose.tumblr.com/post/101118660910/au-prompts-masterlist-of-lists 
> 
> I wanna work on my writing skills so I can finish other fics I've started, so I'm challenging myself to write Spideypool. :) Don't forget to go check out day the previous days work by clicking on the series title!
> 
> NOTE: I wrote this for Wade being pre... well, pre-deadpool.

Broke college students will do anything for a bit of extra pocket money. Ned tutored high school kids, MJ passed out recreational drugs, some students got part time jobs if they didn’t need to sleep, others balanced several casual jobs. Peter Parker had barely anytime to have a job, between assignments and Spiderman, so scroll through online ads he did.

Odd jobs people needed done were easy, especially helping people move house. Peter only had to struggle to pretend he _wasn’t _as strong as he actually was. He walked dogs, cleaned cars. And today he was getting ready to be an extra on a film set. He’d done it once before, stood in a crowed and looked amazed at the healing powers of this anti-inflammatory drug. Today it was a low budget movie set, but he wasn’t worried. He wasn’t going to be centre stage. He got to sit and eat all day. Best job ever.

It took him a little while to get to the location for the scene today, would have been quicker if he could have webbed there, but he was early enough to get makeup touch ups and get the run down on what was going on.

“We’ll sit someone across from you, just chat to them, doesn’t matter what about because you won’t have a mic just be quiet. Pretend you’ve just come in, look at the menu and stuff. Food will be brought to you. It’s real but don’t eat too much at a time, we could be here all day.”

Peter sat in the booth; he would be in the shot but not in focus. That was okay. The main actors would be at the bar. Peter didn’t recognise them. He drummed his fingers on the table; he wondered how many takes the director may want, that was if the actors didn’t mess up their lines. There were a few other extras still milling around, crew frantically trying to get the lighting and layout correct.

A man was shown to Peter’s booth, his co-extra who he would spend the day with and they bother stared at each other in mild shock. Peter had to fight his face so he didn’t break out in the biggest school girl grin; this guy was like, ridiculously hot. If he had been drinking he might have snorted it out his nose. His entire body was burning – he had to sit across form _this_ all day?? How is he going to keep himself under control?

“Woah. Well remind me to eat the director’s ass later, I got sat with the beautifulest person in the whole goddamn room.” The stranger smiled. “My lucky day!”

Peter laughed into his palm, hoping to also hide the blush in his cheeks. “I’m sure he’d appreciate it.”

“I’m Wade,” The stranger extended his hand over the table.

“Peter.” Peter shook it. Firm, strong hands… they sat back as a crew member came over to adjust their table. The director called for silence on set, then shouted action. Peter’s mind went blank.

“What brings you to this lovely diner this time of day.” Wade started for him, pretending to look at the menu.

“I need the money.” Peter shrugged. “You?”

“They rudely dragged me in from outside actually, I’m suppose to be… delivering something to one of the crew. They said I looked like some gorgeous actor who was voted Sexist Man Alive 2010? I don’t see it. Anyway, what do you wanna talk about?”

“Uh, I don’t know.” Peter looked at the back of the menu Wade was holding. “What sort of character’s are we playing?”

“Well, I’m playing a mercenary who has been delayed from his job to have a blind date with a total hot cutie.” Wade said, still deadpanly reading his menu. Peter snorted, biting his lips. The director yelled cut and Peter jumped, but one of the main actors apologized, Peter sighed. “What’s your character, gorgeous?”

“Uh, starving college student with an alterego who’ll do anything for money.” Peter said as Wade put his menu back.

“When you say it like that, you sound a little bit like you’re a porn star.” Wade frowned slightly.

“I might be. These are just characters we’re playing, right?” Peter raised his eyebrows and Wade nodded. Their knees touched under the table.

“Touché. So,” Wade leant forward with his elbows on the table. “What’s this alter ego of yours?”

“Oh, I’m Spiderman.” Peter nodded, blushing again. That was a thrill and a half to say out loud; he wasn’t ever going to see Wade again, and it wasn’t like there was any way Wade would find out.

“Fucking love that guy. Good choice.” Wade nodded. “You get tired swinging around the streets in that sexy _tight_ suit of yours, baby boy?”

“Oh yeah, exhausted.” Peter nodded, feeling more like they were roleplaying than actually discussing Peter’s life. “You would not believe how uncomfortable the suit is.”

“Tight between your legs?”

“I have to wear a thong.” Peter sighed wistfully, fighting a smile. It was all true, and having Wade not know that was hilarious. “And it gets _so_ hot and sweaty in there.”

“Sounds delightful, Petey Pie.”

“CUT! You two! Not so close!”

Peter and Wade both shot back; Peter wasn’t even aware that he had been leaning over the table as well. They had gotten really close. Peter blushed ferociously and cleared his throat, what would have happened if the director hadn’t yelled cut?? Could they have kissed????

“Fuck me, forgot I was here.” Wade shook his head after action had been called. “Too lost in those baby browns.”

“Shut up.” Peter risked a glanced around. “What about you, what sort of work do you do as a mercenary?”

“Whatever I get paid to do,” Wade said as a fake waitress brought them some food. “Oh, I was sure I didn’t order the veal.”

“Want mine?” Peter offered, “Though, I guess that’d be too obvious to do as background characters.”

“It’s fine, sweetums. I’m a growing boy, I’ll eat what’s put in front of me.” Wade winked, and Peter took a deep breath to not blush for the millionth time.

“This is actually pretty good.” Peter nodded as he ate some of the chicken dish that had been served to him. “I didn’t expect a movie who hired people from the street to have such good food.”

“I hope your poor, starving, college stomach is satisfied.” Wade cooed to him. “So, what do you study at college?”

They continued to chat while eating, Peter was thankful he didn’t have a coughing fit when Wade made an inappropriate joke and made Peter choke on his food. Before long they had finished they’re plates, both leaning on the table and staring at each other.

“Break for lunch!” The director called.

“Lunch? I just ate an entire plate of chicken.” Peter looked around as people began to stretch and leave.

“Take a walk outside at least,” Wade shrugged.

“Hey, having fun lads?” A producer type said to them on his way out; Wade’s demeanour was suddenly very hostile. “Look, try not to look to serious. You two aren’t supposed to be the ones falling in love, alright? So just cool it.”

Peter waited until the man had walked away before letting his jaw drop. He looked at Wade, who was smirking into his drink, Peter blushed furiously at the table, giggling.

“Come on, let’s get fresh air.” Wade slid out of the booth and stood waiting for Peter to do that same. They headed outside; there was a table of catering, but mainly just people running around looking stress. Wade wandered away from most people, Peter towing after him. He could really use a good Spidey-flight around the city right now.

“Uhhh, can you excuse me for a sec, Spiderman?” Wade was looking over at the crowd of people. “Just gotta take care of a little business. I’ll see you back in there.”

“Oh okay,” Peter smiled, Wade gave Peter a weak little punch on his jaw and grinned. Peter watched him walk away.

Peter went back to his booth once people started to head inside again, pulling his phone out for a bit. He was a bit nervous that Wade had ditched and wasn’t coming back. Though he knew he was silly for thinking that, it was none of his business if the other man left. He’d be disappointed but, so what? Wade did come back however, falling into the booth and wiping his hands on his napkin.

“Well _that_ was a missile and a half, hope I didn’t break the port-a-potty.” Wade sighed, “Now. No falling in love with me this time Petey Pie. Safe topics only unless you wanna jerk me off under the table.”

But Peter wasn’t listening - he had seen what was on Wade’s hands. It was distinctly blood red. A normal person might not have picked up on it, but Peter did. He glanced around the room – that producer guy from earlier wasn’t back yet. But his spidey senses had been silent the whole morning, Wade wasn’t dangerous. Was he?

“Gorgeous?” Wade frowned a little, seeing as Peter was just staring at him judgmentally.

“I can’t believe they let you wear _that_ on set,” Peter covered himself as he took a drink, Wade’s mouth fell open.

“And what’s wrong with what I’m wearing??”

“That plad and sheeps skin coat? It’s awful.”

“I see. Were you holding onto that comment for long?” Wade actually looked offended.

“I’ve been waiting to say that since you sat down this morning.” Peter said completely seriously.

“Really unfair considering you dress like a twink out of a Jay Crew catalogue.” Wade sassed back.

“Touché.”

“Alright, quiet now. Quiet on set!”

Peter chuckled and sighed; he’d let the suspicious about Wade go. If he was still bothered after the shoot was done, he could trail Wade from the rooftops. But overthinking about him now wasn’t going to help.

“So,” Wade tapped on the table. “What kinks you into?”

“This is the safe topic of conversation you’ve chosen that isn’t going interfere with blending into the background?” Peter frowned.

“All I could think of. You suggest one then.”

Peter sat back, crossing his arms. “I’m pretty bendy.”

“Ooh fuck yeah,” Wade’s eye went wider, and he grinned. “Tell me more.”

“You ever think that maybe, the government is watching everything we do? Listening in on every conversation. Or like, we’re in a Matrix type situation”

“You’re a fucking tease, baby boy.”

“Okay CUT! You two! Ugly jacket and underaged twink, get out of my film!”


	2. Casted

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peter gets a callback from the studio!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know some of you have been waiting a long time for the squeal to this, I'm sorry it's taken me so long!

“I’m sorry,” Peter chuckled, laughing. “What?”

“Someone on set loved you, dude. Don’t ask me why. So, can you come in today?”

“Come back to the set?”

“Yeah. Except to the actual lot this time, not the location. Your counterpart is gonna be coming in too. You two had great chemistry and someone has been looking for chemistry for months now.”

“W-Wade?” Peter swallowed.

“Yeah man! You wouldn’t believe how difficult is it for actors to manufacture chemistry. I know it seems like it’s easy, but it’s harder than you think.”

The phone call ended and Peter sat there, still stunned. He couldn’t believe he’d get called back for an actual role! He got kicked out of the last time he had been hired as an extra. And Wade! He hadn’t seen Wade after that day. They were laughing so hard about the director throwing a hissy fit at them, and they ended up getting a drink together then they parted ways. Peter forgot about the blood on Wade’s hands until much later – when he saw someone wearing that awful jacket of Wade’s and by then it was too late to stalk him as Spiderman to see if he was a bad guy or not. But, to be honest, Peter liked not knowing. He would just remember Wade fondly and that would be that. But now…? Better dress to impress.

Two hours later Peter was sitting with his hands over his mouth, which was hanging open, eyes watering, not sure whether to laugh or scream or cry. The producers and director were looking at him with amused concern.

“You… okay there, Peter?” One of them smiled.

“It’s a lot, I know. But we have faith in you to give it a go. Plus, you perfectly suit this role. It’s like you were born for it.” The director nodded.

“I mean,” Peter cleared his throat. “It _is_ a lot but. If you have faith in me then, I guess…”

“Before you leave today you’ll just need to stop by the wardrobe department and we’ll get you measured for your suit.”

“And, naturally, we don’t want you discussing this with anyone outside this office. Apart from co-stars. We have high expectations for this series, so we don’t want anything leaked. You understand?”

“Yes, sir.”

“You’ve got previous fighting experience, right? I think your resume said you did.”

“I know some choreography, yeah.” Peter lied. He didn’t know how to fake fight. That bit about knowing fighting was more a joke for himself.

“Perfect! Well. Welcome to ‘The Adventures of Spiderboy and Deadpool’. We hope you really bring this Spiderboy character to life.”

“I think it’s Spiderman, actually.” Peter winced, feeling offended they got it wrong but also a little scared to correct the director if this could be a paying gig. And a well-paying gig.

“Well, unfortunately that’s a copywrite issue. Don’t get us started.”

“Deadpool at least answers his fanmail.” One producer rolled her eyes a little. Peter raised an eyebrow; if only she knew how many thousands of letters burst out of his PO.box whenever he opens it. You wouldn’t reply either lady!

Peter was looking at the paperwork he’d been given when he walked smack into Wade, right outside the wardrobe department door. Wade grinned at him.

“Well hey there, baby boy. I was hoping to run into you again.” Wade looked him over. “Still my Jay Crew catalogue twink I see.”

“And I see there’s no ugly coat, did you actually listen to me?” Peter tried to sass back without blushing, but he failed. “We uh, seemed to have been noticed a couple months ago.”

“I mean, can you blame them for noticing?” Wade leant against the wall. “We ooze sexual tension.”

Peter snorted a laugh. “You get a look at this script?”

“Yeah, we start day after tomorrow so. Sorta have to start learning lines. Come on, let’s go get you undressed and measured!”

Wade and Peter were separated once inside though, and Peter was prodded and scrutinised and asked questions, and every inch of him was measured. It was highly uncomfortable. Then someone came by to tell him they’d be his assistant while he was working, to get him whatever he needed.

“Sorry about all this, the green light for the series was very last minute.” The guy explained, he was probably only a year or two younger than Peter. “I hope your, you know, free for the next few months.”

“I got a night-time thing so as long as there aren’t any early mornings.” Peter tried to smile.

“It depends. It’s space so day light doesn’t matter.”

“It’s space?” Peter frowned.

“You haven’t read the script yet, have you?” The assistant gave him a pitying smile.

“No, I only just got it.”

“Okay well, when your done here you’ve got to read it. Are you a fan of Spiderman?”

“Not Spiderboy?” Peter deflected the question; he was getting good at that.

The assistant laughed. “Well, my name’s Miles. Here’s my number. I’ll be in touch.”

Peter burst out of the building into the fresh air and took a deep breath. People had been at him for over an hour. And he had to be back for a reading in four hours. What a rush! And only four hours to read through the script? Peter took it out of his pocket, it was like a centimetre thick! Peter heard someone clear their throat, and he looked up.

“Wanna go get some lunch?” Wade asked, sliding his sunglasses onto his head.

“You waited for me? Wait – when did you finish?”

“Deadpool’s suit isn’t as skintight as Spiderboy’s, so they didn’t need me for very long.”

Peter blanched; for a quite minute he forgot that he was playing Spiderman in a _movie_ now. He’d have to now get used to being refereed to as Spider_boy_, even though for the past few years it’s been his biggest secret.

“Come on, we can read when we get there. There’s a Mexican joint around the corner.”

The Mexican joint was more of a hole-in-the-wall, but the people there seemed to know Wade and gave quick service. And the food was impressive too.

“I’m going to get so fat if I’m going to be here every day.” Wade sighed after he’d finished.

“Careful,” Peter said, swallowing his food. “Deadpool is pretty fit.”

“That he is.” Wade nodded. “You know a lot about Deadpool?”

“Some. Not loads,” Peter lied, Spiderman had met Deadpool several times and they had a pretty friendly rapport. Wade considered this then nodded.

“I just hope I’m handsome enough, I hear that guy is drop dead gorgeous.”

“You certainly are egotistical enough.” Peter chuckled. Wade grinned at Peter devilishly, and Peter wasn’t sure if that was flirting or if Wade knew more than he was letting on. “Want to go to the park so we can read this thing? We aren’t allowed to let anyone overhear.”

“Like anyone will care.” Wade wrinkled his nose but stood up. “We’ll just look like two theatre gays getting work done on our date.”

“Date?” Peter asked, was this supposed to be a date. Wade didn’t answer, he had already started to walk away. Luckily the park was pretty empty and they found a quiet bench to sit on. And to avoid being awkward Peter sat on the back of the chair so that he wasn’t too close to Wade. He did _want_ to be closer, but he really had to focus on his script. Which would be hard to do next to…well… someone who looked like a gorgeous actor who was voted Sexist Man Alive 2010.  
They had a quick read to themselves, with the odd chuckled or comment every now and then, but the further they got the more confused they both got.

“This is bullcrap! Spiderman doesn’t act like this!” Peter frowned.

“It’s Spider_boy_ remember? Besides, I thought _I_ was the Spiderman fanboy here.”

“I-I know a fair bit about him too. He isn’t like this at _all_.”

“I gotta agree with you there. Deadpool is… off too.”

“I don’t know if I can do this. I thought this was going to be a busy-cop type situation.” Peter sat down on the bench properly. “A romcom??”

“Yeap. We were definitely only hired because of our amazing sexual tension. Oh! You know what this means?” Wade gasped.

“What?”

“We can’t have sex at _all_ while we’re acting this. It’ll totally take away any tension.”

Peter’s mouth fell open. “Oddly enough, Wade. Sex with you wasn’t high up on my to do list.”

“It’s still on there though, huh?” Wade grinned again. Peter looked away, rolling his eyes. A vibration in his pocket prompted Peter to dig it out and check it.

“It’s my new assistant. He said…” Peter wondered why he was bothering to tell Wade. “If we could come in early, since they hired supporting cast.”

“Why didn’t my assistant contact me? She’s like, four years old though so it’s not surprising.”

“I still can’t believe they made… _Spiderboy_ so lazy and doe-eyed.”   
“I’ve…never met Deadpool but I don’t think he’s exactly the stoic, serious type.”

Peter took a deep breath; this could seriously ruin Spiderman’s image if this thing comes out as a serious thing and not some sort of parody with Spiderman being all naïve and innocent. Peter wasn’t like that at all!

**Author's Note:**

> Had a good chuckle at this one myself. Who did Wade "take care" of? OwO
> 
> You know the drill ;)


End file.
